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General, Life

Lazy or happy?

12.23.04 | 2 Comments

As a teenager I decided I wanted to be a doctor. So when college came around, I majored in biology and set my sights on med school. But then something happened. I don’t know whether it was the blow to my self esteem after the C average I made in honors biology, the realization that I had very little interest in reading biology textbooks, or the thought of spending the next ten years of my life as a student of some sort. Whatever it was, I decided that being a doctor would not be worth the effort. Would I absolutely love to do the job? You bet! Am I willing to labor to understand all the complex molecular processes of the human body to get there? Hell no. I’m not that driven.

At the time, however, I could have made it work. My Mom has always said I was determined (or stubborn, depending on what I was trying to do). I could have put my nose to the grindstone and been halfway through med school by now. But I seriously doubt that I would be happy or well-rounded; I know myself, and I knew myself, and in order for me to be that focused, other aspects of my life would eventually fall by the wayside.

I should mention that along about that time, my future husband and I started dating. It only took a few months for me to determine that I definitely wanted a life together, and hopefully a family some day. Now I’m sure there are doctors (and future doctors, and other people with spectacular careers) out there who also have fabulous home lives. I have no idea how they do it, but I commend them. I just knew that, for me, it would be more effort than I was willing to expend in order to do a good job at both. I think for anything, but especially medicine, one really has to want it, to be focused, and that tunnel vision wasn’t there for me.

Maybe I’m more relaxed now, or my philosophy studies gave me a broader (or likely, more apathetic) perspective on my life and what I do with it. Not that my life isn’t important; it just doesn’t matter enough to stress about it. Honestly though, I think it’s just that I’m happy, now, with what I have, with who I am. I will be happy even if this is all I’ve ever done, if I never go to school again, if we never have kids, if I never have some huge career.

The problem is that happiness tends to encourage complacency. And of course there are things I would like to do with this life. So, important or not, I have applied for some jobs, and I’m going to spend more time on the book I’m writing. It would be a waste for me to stagnate. I gotta get moving.

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