General, Health, Life, School

I think we know where Chief gets it.

08.15.05 | Comment?

To say that I have a stress management problem is a gross understatement. It’s a fairly recent development, though, perhaps within the past six years. When I think of all the activities I used to juggle, it boggles my mind. Now when I have to do something, even little errands, it’s this huge insurmountable task, which I eventually accomplish, but not without extreme griping and mental anguish. For the past two years I have done just short of nothing. (Sure, I do things, just not what I feel I should be doing, and without the ease I feel I should be able to do them.)

I can rationalize it fairly well. After graduation I went home to prepare for the wedding. Then we moved to California, only to be there for seven months. I didn’t want to get a job and have to quit it so soon. Then we moved back to Texas; while I was looking for a job, I found out I had cancer. I’ll be generous and give myself eight months of recovery, though plenty of people who go through what I did manage to go to school and/or work. So I should be working at least part time right now, and getting ready for more school shouldn’t be that big a deal. I have had quite a time getting situated, complicated by the fact that UTSA leaves something to be desired in nearly every aspect of its student services, in my opinion, based on my experience so far. To avoid a lengthy and obscenity-studded post, I give you the short version: I am annoyed by the incompetence I find and frustrated by the runaround that accompanies higher education.

The events of the day (including the severe suckage of my computer) have aggravated what Joel refers to as my Tourette’s Syndrome. He’s kidding on the square. (Phrase courtesy of Al Franken. If you haven’t read or listened to his Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them, do yourself a favor and get it – I recommend the audio CD.) It’s the worst on the golf course; today as I tramped around the campus it was right up there. The best part is that I get to do it again on the other campus tomorrow.

The way I see it, most people are at least a little neurotic. I’m trying to keep myself in check, but some days are more difficult than others. I wonder how wise it is to start school again; this will be a lot of stress. But I’ll adjust. I try to keep in mind what my Dad has always said: don’t sweat the small stuff, with the premise that it’s all small stuff.

Also, all things in moderation: my results are in, and everything looks fine. My last CT showed no evidence of metastatic disease, and my tumor markers were mostly within normal range. My CA 19-9 was perfect, and the CA 125 was 36; while they like to see it under 35, in April it was 38, so at least it’s down a bit. No AFP* test this time, which I will ask about when I talk to the doctor Friday.

With the house to myself, things are fairly quiet. Tonight I’m going to the fifty cent movie** – woo hoo! To possible stalkers and ill-wishers, not only do we have an alarm system and a giant, protective dog, I can summon hella rage and violence when necessary. Don’t test me.

*Update: they ended up taking blood for an AFP test that Friday. My value was 1 (normal is between 0 and 6). I’m healthy! 🙂

**It costs fifty cents to go; it does not star the entertainer 50 Cent, aka Curtis Jackson.

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