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General, School

The lone A

10.27.05 | 9 Comments

The grade of A has been quite exclusive in my biology class this semester, with only a handful on a total of three exams thus far. On the most recent exam, there was a single A. As each student received his/her grade sheet, the cliques within the class were all abuzz amongst themselves, and then consulted other cliques. “How’d you do? Did you get the A? What’d you get?” As I do not have a clique, or even a close sitting acquaintance, no one asked me. So they don’t know that I got the A. And the other As. Not that I really want them to know.

It kind of bothered me that here we are, halfway through the semester, and there has been little to no camaraderie established with my classmates. There’s camaraderie, just not with me. I get to my classes a few minutes early, and people are always chatting, sometimes telling their life stories to people I know they have met just this semester. Why does no one talk to me?

I thought about it, and really it’s as much my fault. I’m fairly self absorbed, and I’ve been told by more than one person (after getting to know me) that at first they found me cold and snobbish. I’m not that, but apparently that’s how I present sometimes. I feel distant from many of my classmates, perhaps because I’m a few years older, or because I’m certain the professors are not “out to get me,” or because we have different interests. (Actual one-sided cell phone conversation overheard on the way to class tonight: “Are we getting drunk tonight?… Tight… Tight… TIGHT.”) Also, I might smell or something, as there is always an empty seat next to me. If I do, someone please tell me.

My main goal going to school right now is not to make friends, but I had hoped that it would be a side benefit. So tonight I made an effort to talk with two whole people. And just in case they stumble onto my site, I’d like to give a shoutout to my physics lab partner, my chemistry lab partner, and the two people in my physics class who occasionally engage in polite conversation with me. We’re all in school for a reason; I hope to find out more about my classmates, which may mean initiating dialogue myself.

All that said, I really am enjoying my classes. It helps that I got the maximum points on my last physics test. We’ll see how I did on my two and a half hour, eleven page chemistry lab midterm and the upcoming chemistry exam… I recently met with my advisor (whose wife died of ovarian cancer – what are the odds?), and we decided that getting my prerequisites will take longer than originally expected, but I’m glad I’ve done this. Like my Grammy, who became an RN after age fifty, said last weekend, the time will go by whether I do this or not. I might as well make use of it.

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