Baby, Health, Life


01.31.08 | 1 Comment

Until consideration for Zoe entered the picture, I had CT scans and blood work (tumor markers) every six months so anything suspicious might be nipped in the bud. I was happy to have ultrasounds instead of CT scans when I was pregnant and since I have been nursing, mainly because they are quicker and I don’t have to drink that disgusting contrast solution.

During my last check-up ultrasound, there was a little something (1 cm by 1.5 cm) no one had seen before. It is likely nothing of significance, and I’m not worried about it. But because I have a cautious doctor, we are following up to be safe. I was told that having a CT scan would mean going longer without breastfeeding, so my doctor ordered a (an – I must say “an” here, even if it isn’t grammatically correct) MRI with contrast, for which the recommended time away from nursing is “only” 48 hours.

Well we’re 7 hours in, and it is killing my soul. For the first time in awhile, I am angry that I was ever sick and ever so sad that Zoe needs something from me that I can’t give her.

One might ask why I did not do this before, but now I’m doing my own research and have found reliable sources recommending as few as 12 and as many as 48 hours. I’ll try not to be irrational or ridiculous. I know we have gone for 36 hours before, but I was GONE. Right now, to her I must seem mean and horrible and withholding. If I had thought this through I probably would have waited until she quit nursing.

On the upside, I am kind of proud of myself for finding my happy place today. I’ve never had trouble with MRI before, but out of nowhere I panicked big time in the machine, and we had to stop. It’s like I teetered into crazyville for a few minutes. Closing my eyes and singing, I stayed on the fence most of the hour, but I did it.

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