Due to the unavailability of Cheez-It during Joel’s most recent trip to Target, he took a gamble on an unknown box. Target’s own brands rarely disappoint us. Archer Farms is good, and their line of Market Pantry products is generally reliable and less expensive. (Nothing beats HEB for store-brand quality, however.) Plus, they were on sale.

The verdict? Not all baked snack crackers are created equal.

I found the nearly full box on my desk when I got home last night, a big circled “F” written in Sharpie on the front. How bad can they be? I asked. The expiration date is May 2009. I sampled one.

At first bite, they’re crispy, salty, a little less cheesy than Cheez-It, but not entirely unpleasant. Give it about 10 seconds. Then it becomes apparent that you’re experiencing first hand a failed attempt to make off-brand Play-Doh edible. The aftertaste is horrendous. I mean truly awful. I’m pretty sure it’s the worst thing I’ve ever eaten.

As I write this, Joel is staging a hilarious photoshoot. I imagine Market Pantry had a different expectation for their product’s placement.