Family, General, Life

An open letter to the guy who hit on me

06.18.12 | Comment?

Our daughters have played together two nights now. We had already talked about play dates and even a sleepover (Zoe jumps so quickly to conclusions). You have a girlfriend, who may or may not be the mother of your child. I don’t know, because we’ve had all of one conversation. But you know I’m married. You were drunk. You made it uncomfortable. So much for that sleepover. The girls lose.

People can be attracted to other people. That’s fine. But you don’t cross lines or make it weird. You rise above it, be mature, and coexist. Hell, enjoy the company and conversation. But don’t be an extra large creep and talk to my husband for almost an hour, and then wait until he goes to get a flashlight to find my daughter’s toy (which your daughter threw into a sea of plants, by the way) to slither up and proposition me.

Does this work for you? Do you actually get married women this way? I tell my husband everything. (And the Internet, it seems.) I’ve released him from any obligation to kick your ass on my account, though I’m sure you’ve also broken some sort of Dad code.

AS AN ASIDE: for the future, not that it should happen EVER, but expand your vocabulary. “Hot” might get certain women, which is probably where you’ve set your sights, but how about commenting on a great conversation, or intelligence, or wow your kid is amazing – you’re an awesome Mom. I think that’s at the root of my disgust. Do you think I’m attainable just by telling me I’m hot? Do I seem like the kind of girl who will respond to carnal compliments? I’ve got a healthy enough self esteem, but look: at best, I’m cute. I’ll take much more notice if you comment on some aspect of the substance I’ve worked so hard to have, or my energy, or whatever. Hot girls are a dime a dozen. I’m a lot more. I’ve got over $200 grand invested in my skillz.

Think before you act. Which is hard when you’re full of wine. But you certainly weren’t thinking of your daughter or being a good neighbor or even what I would think – you had something to say and just said it. And then, as an added bonus, you and your friend – grown men, the two of you – left your three girls in the pool as we were clearly packing to leave. For all you knew, no one was supervising your kids. We were, but it wasn’t so you’d not appear in headlines. It’s because for a real parent, every kid is in a way your own. And now I’ll never, ever trust you around my kid.

This is what I don’t get about cheaters. Cheaters cheat. If you cheat with someone who is also cheating, there’s a good chance s/he will cheat on you. No one wins, unless the game is just to cheat, in which case I suppose you both win. Young/stupid/teenage times aside, as a married person and a parent, the concept is fairly well gross and illogical. What’s the best outcome here? I’ve been with my husband for 12 years. We have a beautiful daughter. I’ve known you all of 24 hours, and you think you can approach me like that. Not this girl.

I was caught off guard, too. Kind of like in pretty woman – if she’d been dressed as a hussy instead of all lovely at the polo fields, she could have dealt with Stuckey’s advances. But I don’t go to bars, and I’m playing with our kids at the community pool. I’m not trolling EVER, and I wasn’t expecting you to be, either. If you were a flirtatious patient or a fellow grocery shopper or some drunk jerk at a bar, I’d know what to do. I’d know how to set the appropriate boundaries, or laugh it off, or say thank you and move on. What I want to do is diplomatically point out the facts of why it’s inappropriate, but I wasn’t expecting to have to do that with another parent. I feel there are lines already in place. And you crossed them.

Thank you for limiting it to the one comment and not touching me, or pressing on when I shut it down. You can go ahead and thank yourself since there was much flagstone and deep water around; I’m stronger and feistier than I appear, and I don’t take kindly to unfamiliar paws on my person. I’m certain that if you even remember, you’re embarrassed. And I’m not going to avoid the pools or common areas or the girls’ school to protect your ego. But if you bring it up again, I’ll share these and other insights with you, since apparently you need some training.

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