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Life, Meme

An inventory of 2012

12.31.12 | Comment?

So 2012 was a roller coaster of a year. I’ll not pretend I have it bad; I’m grateful for everything our life is and realize my worst day is better than most. But I did have some trouble going with the flow this year, because the flow took us in some unpleasant directions.

Some was small stuff, like Zoe’s birthday party getting rained out. We had this cool, creative campfire thing planned, and it poured and flooded. There wasn’t a good time to reschedule it, and the rest of the year I felt badly about it, especially when people would ask if we had rescheduled. We had great fun with family in town, though. I had a great month of derm, delivered babies and made the most enormous cake ever in the spring. In June, Chief was diagnosed with cancer (sobbing). Later that same day, Amanda & Chris got engaged (happy tears)! In July, Joel started a new job (which he loves), and we got in a wreck on the way to his first day; Ali & Matthew got married so beautifully in Wyoming, and Zoe was hospitalized for mesenteric adenitis. In August, Chief died, then Zoe started kindergarten and rapidly lost her first two teeth. We adopted Ellie at the shelter in September, followed by a near-constant stream of illness that at one point was deemed distemper; eventually it was changed to kennel cough and she is now doing much better after much treatment and a change in food. (We adore her.) September also marked eight years cancer-free, but at my check-up, my CA-125 was elevated, so I had to get my eleventh CT, which really irked me. Radiation CAUSES cancer. Ugh. Anyway no real cause for alarm, but it is trending up, and it’s on my mind until that number goes down. My ICU & radiology rotations were great (apartment flooded in November), interviews have gone well, and the vacation month, while not AT ALL relaxing, has allowed me to be more involved in Zoe’s school activities. That may be why I was extra shaken up about Sandy Hook, though if you’re paying attention, the normal reaction is gut-wrenching pain and sorrow. (I appreciate the “look for the helpers” comments, as this is truly sanity-saving.) In contrast, my baby is alive (despite our car wreck the following week; it was totaled) and with me and we had a wonderful holiday with family all around. So I can’t say any of my worries are big in comparison. Other friends and family and patient concerns stay on the hamster wheel, but remain there alone for privacy. I keep hoping for peace.

Anyway. That was our year. We grumbled plenty and have yelled into the abyss to make it stop on more than one occasion, always aware that we are blessed beyond belief.

Soon I’d like to post some notable dates in 2013 and considerations as this residency process continues. But first…

Keeping the tradition alive…

In 2012, I gained weight, a brother-in-law, some CA-125 points, a dog, and some confidence.

I lost my Chiefy, some inhibitions, and a couple years off my life from stress. Kidding on the square there.

I stopped writing as much. And exercising. I don’t recommend stopping those.

I started thinking more about the future as though I might actually become a doctor.

I was hugely satisfied by delivering babies, passing both portions of the Step 2 exam, receiving invitations to interview for residency, and watching Zoe excel academically.

And frustrated by balancing my responsibilities (I doubt this will ever change).

I am so embarrassed that I’ve not made an effort to be fit.

Once again, I resolved to stop biting my nails. And I did, for interviews, at first.

Once again, I bit my nails.

The biggest physical difference between me last December and this December is my hair is longer, and my waist will eat you.

The biggest psychological difference between me last December and this December is more hamster wheel. I had hoped it would be less, but residency application will do this to a person. Come March 15, 2013, the hamster will get some rest.

I loved being with Zoe & family, September’s ob/gyn clinic, learning to love another dog, and taking steps toward residency.

Why did I spend even two minutes worrying about the small stuff? (Repeat, but a good reminder: don’t sweat the small stuff!)

I should have spent more time being 100% present with whatever I’m doing. (Also a repeat.) And exercising. And writing. And reading quality stuff.

I regret being distracted and consumed with stress too often. And not leaving work to spend time with Chief on his last day.

I will never regret quality time spent with Zoe.

I worried, stressed, and nagged way too much.

I didn’t exercise, play, and relax nearly enough.

Deciding on a specialty nearly drove me crazy.

The most relaxing place I went was poolside.

Why did I stress so much?

The best thing I did for someone else was listen.

The best thing I did for myself was let go.

The best thing someone did for me was encourage me to power through.

The one thing I’d like to do again, but do it better, is parent.

Happy New Year!

(Fill-in-the-blank template from Mary Schmich at The Chicago Tribune)

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