• Fresh babies are slippery, and birth is amazing. I was present at over a dozen, delivered about 10 placentas, had my hands on 8 babies, delivering 3 my very own self. And scrubbed on a few C-sections. Loved it.
• When you have to cancel a dental appointment that you made 6 months ago not knowing what your schedule would be even one week from that time, inevitably you will have tooth pain within 48 hours.
• Medical school rotations are not created equal.
• Death is absolutely not the worst outcome.
• I like to be DOING things instead of THINKING about things. If I have to stand in a circle discussing a single lab value for more than 30 seconds, I will require haldol. (A little psych humor there.) Oh and this is made worse if you discuss said lab value for >10 minutes and walk away having come to no conclusions or DONE NOTHING to fix it. You know what’s helpful? “This is out of whack, by this much, I’mma do this for it, and then we’ll discuss the mechanism while we watch things change. Mkay?” RIGHT?
• We are all addicted to our Apple devices, and the very next chance I get I’m whisking us away to a secluded cabin so we are forced to interact. I’m concerned about the neural pathways that Zoe and her generation are making as they grow up as cyborgs. At least we became cyborgs after our neurons were myelinated.

That’s all for now, as I have to research and write up something totally uninteresting.

Anyway. Zoe is growing. She seems taller and only slightly heavier. (Shockingly, I saw a 5 year old today who weighs 95 pounds.) Fortunately, we have objective measurements! Ah, science.

Height: 43.5 inches (110.49 cm), 70th percentile
Weight: 40 pounds (18.14 kg), 52nd percentile

(One year ago, she was 42 inches and 34.8 pounds.)

Here are some data collected in a brief interview.

Favorite colors: pink, purple, and silver
Favorite number: 4
Favorite food: chicken strip and salmon (carnivore)
Favorite show: Wow, Wow, Wubbzy!
Favorite activity: watch TV (um… yikes.)
Favorite thing to do outside: camping!
Favorite wheeled activity: rollerskating
Favorite place she’s ever been: the playground
Favorite thing to do at school: do art, make hearts
Favorite animal: zebra and cat
Favorite holiday: Valentine’s Day AND Christmas
Favorite sport: ice skating
Favorite baseball player: Daddy!!!
What she wants to be when she grows up: a ballerina
What she wants people to know about her at five years old: that she loves to put clothes on the funny way, with underwear on her head.

At some point we have eaten dinner and hosed off the girl. After some playtime or milling around unproductively, I realize it’s much, much too late for any of us to be awake, and I’m exhausted. So I frantically finish up whatever it is we’ve been doing, make sure lunch is packed, shut down the apartment, and herd the mammals into the bedroom. There Zoe usually requests a show and/or a snack, which gives me a chance to get myself ready for bed.

I remove my jewelry and start to floss, then remember that I’ve forgotten something; we take our vitamins. I take my zyrtec. I floss, use the little brush where it’s made necessary by my permanent retainers, brush my teeth, brush my overnight retainers, and put in my retainers. I brush Zoe’s teeth, wipe her face, and get her a drink. At this point, depending on how much “free” time I have, there may be several minutes of preening. Eyebrows don’t tweeze themselves, mkay, and I have a magnifying mirror that undoubtedly contributes to a pathological awareness of each pore on my face. I wash my face, either in a full shower or at the sink, and get dry. If I haven’t already been in my pajamas since after work, that happens now. I refill the humidifier and plug it in.

The following is unpaid product placement.

Next on the list is more allergy control: the Sinus Rinse. My ENT recommended it years ago, and, coupled with flonase, it has allowed me to breathe. (The rinse helps to expose the actual nasal epithelium so the flonase can work better.) I have a deviated septum and completely destroyed sinuses, so 50% air movement is the best I can hope for; without these things I’m working at 25%. So this provides sweet, sweet relief. Plus, Zoe was under two when I started using it, and nightly she would remind me to “do nose” – which is obviously quite cute.

Then comes the acne treatment/preventive gel and moisturizer. This is a post in itself. Suffice it to say that I love Dan Kern’s acne.org products. They have changed my skin and my life.

Now back to the show.

Finally I brush out my hair, refill my water, and snuggle into bed with a device and a cute little girl.

That’s actually not so bad, really. All that takes about 30 minutes with a few interruptions.

The trick now is getting this insomniac monkey to sleep so I can play words with friends and pass out.

How, you say?

Jinx.

I can’t believe it either.

At five, she’s fantastic, funny, fabulous, fierce, feisty, and forever our favorite.

I love you, Zoe.

Happy, happy birthday to the greatest kid in the world, and Happy Valentine’s Day to all!

Anyway. Zoe said something cute when we had baby Drey over last night. She, already in her swimsuit, announced that she really wanted to take a bath with him, and she acknowledged that he had no swimsuit with him. He also didn’t have fresh clothes for afterward; most importantly, there were no fresh diapers. Thus, she would be bathing alone. In trying to convince us that “it’s FIIIINE”, she offered that he could just get in “wearing his plain self”. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could all just wear our plain selves? And be so accepted?

Keeping the tradition alive…

In 2011, I gained a deeper appreciation for my colleagues.

I lost my external hard drive. And, intentionally, a bunch of stuff that was taking up space. So I gained some space, but then we moved to a smaller place, so I lost that. Hmm. I also lost some inhibitions; that’s good. And 80 points of total cholesterol by eating more veggies!

I stopped worrying so much about what other people think. (And will have stopped playing Zombie Cafe. Will have stopped. It’s still on my devices. Yes, plural. It’s a franchise. DON’T JUDGE ME.)

I started direct patient care.

I was hugely satisfied by recognizing a little confidence and experience can be very freeing.

And frustrated by balancing my responsibilities (same as the last two years).

I am so embarrassed that our apartment is constantly a wreck. But we’re working on it.

Once again, I resolved to stop biting my nails.

Once again, I bit my nails.

The biggest physical difference between me last December and this December is my hair is longer.

The biggest psychological difference between me last December and this December is a thicker skin.

I loved being with Zoe, being in the OR, working in the pedi clinic, and baking.

Why did I spend even two minutes worrying about the small stuff? (Repeat, but a good reminder: don’t sweat the small stuff!)

I should have spent more time being 100% present with whatever I’m doing. (Also a repeat.)

I regret rushing to 40% of my scheduled activities. And being distracted.

I will never regret quality time spent with Zoe.

I worried way too much.

I didn’t exercise nearly enough.

My internal medicine rotation nearly drove me crazy.

The most relaxing place I went was the Hermann call room.

Why did I stress so much?

The best thing I did for someone else was care.

The best thing I did for myself was power through.

The best thing someone did for me was encourage me to power through.

The one thing I’d like to do again, but do it better, is Disney World!

Happy New Year!

(Fill-in-the-blank template from Mary Schmich at The Chicago Tribune)

I hug her. “Thank you for telling me so we can fix it.”

“It’s important to tell the truth!”

I LOVE HER.

The hardest part has been allowing Zoe to make her own spending decisions. The idea, of course, is to teach her about money, saving, and value. The first two weeks, she received the money, was rather nonplussed, and saved it more out of boredom or confusion. We were pleased. Then we went to The Great State Fair of Texas where she saw a Hello Kitty sewing machine, and once we suggested that she start saving her allowance toward it (perhaps to split it with us), she suddenly became very interested in money.

She’s a four-year-old girl, and as such, has many wants. Most of these are capricious, and we are able to talk her out of them fairly easily. She found herself at the mall with her Dad one night while I was on call with the purpose of using her allowance to buy a special bed for her Build-a-Bear Hello Kitty with the Aurora outfit. Apparently they also stopped at the Disney store. She wasn’t set on anything in particular as they left, yet the dollars were burning a hole in her Hello Kitty purse. “Hmm. I guess I’ll just get this princess camera.” Joel convinced her at the time that if she didn’t REALLY want anything right then, she should save her money for later. The rest of the week, she asked to go to the mall so she could get her princess camera from the Disney store. She couldn’t tell me how much it cost or what it DID exactly, only that she desperately, desperately wanted it.

Saturday morning we were again at the Disney store to buy her friend a birthday gift. I’d like to thank the associate who brought us a reusable shopping bag (price tag: $3.50) to carry the armload of stuff Zoe had acquired, despite my reminders that we were there for a present, not to add to our giant pile of useless items at home. The princess nightgowns were two-for-one, and since nightgowns are useful and Zoe is about to outgrow hers, we could justify this choice as good for a present AND a take-home. Then we set about the task of sorting through Zoe’s selections to choose the ONE item she could afford with her allowance, putting in our two cents that none of this was worth whatever it cost, that experiences are better than stuff, and it would be a good idea to save her money toward something really cool.

Anyway she bought a dumb fake cell phone that she loves. She thinks she has a direct line to Ariel. It was not the princess camera, by the way.

As we walked back through the mall, we explained that we’re really happy she’s happy with her phone, and she gets to choose what she does with her allowance. Joel said something to the effect that next time she wants to buy something, she might not have enough money, and she’ll have to save up her allowance from a lower balance. Then she counted her remaining money, and she seemed disappointed. Baby’s first buyer’s remorse. It was so cute and sad.

Then she looked up with giant blue eyes and asked, “Um, do you guys have any money?”

Tonight we slowed down for some family time and an impromptu, very informal piano lesson (which necessitated clearing off the piano bench). I reviewed the basics with her and we went over a few simple Dozen a Day exercises (from the pink book, of course). With the attention span of a goldfish (both of us, actually), it was a lesson in futility for the most part. Trying to close on a positive note, I asked her to walk her fingers over the keys and say the letters of them, A through G, before we left the piano to get ready for bed. She started at the highest note and said, “You’ve got to be kidding me! A is over here, and it goes all the way down through Z! You can’t tell me it ends at G – that’s just not how it is!”

I tried. Bless good teachers.

I’m incredulous. How is this possible?

But Keanu Reeves and I share a birthday, I say.

“That’s always been one of my least favorite things about you.”

It has been added to our Netflix queue.